They were half right.
There is a specific kind of solitude that comes with the role. Decisions that land on your desk at midnight with no one to share the weight. Conversations you can’t have with your team because the wrong word at the wrong moment shifts culture in ways you can’t undo. Board rooms where you’re expected to project certainty while privately holding every version of uncertainty at once.
That part is real.
But lonely? That’s the wrong word for most of it.
The loneliness narrative gets repeated so often it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Young CEOs step into the role already braced for isolation — and isolation is exactly what they create. They stop asking questions because asking feels like weakness. They stop confiding because confiding feels like instability. They perform confidence so long they forget what genuine conversation feels like.
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The CEOs I’ve watched thrive didn’t escape the solitude. They built architecture around it.
A small group of peers who hold the same weight — founders two steps ahead, one step behind. A board that’s a resource, not just an audience. An executive coach who has no stake in the outcome. A personal life that doesn’t require them to be a CEO after 8pm.
The top isn’t inherently lonely. It’s structurally isolating if you let it be.
The question isn’t whether you’ll feel alone up there. The question is whether you’re building the relationships that can exist at that altitude.
Most don’t. That’s why the myth persists.
Good disticntion between loneliness and solitude.
Dave, as you know, our CEO Group (ABL.org) have been beneficiaries of your wisdom almost since our founding 40 some years ago. As many of you might imagine, we reached out, and were benefitted, by Dave becoming Chair of our board of advisors a few decades ago. As CEO of this organization, and a part-time CEO or chair to many companies over the years, I can confirm that a group will help CEOs to be less lonely, and better informed, in our roles. I’ll attest to Dave’s being a keynote speaker as well as a very savvy panelist at many of our events. Many of you know Dave as the wizard of just in time insights for ramping up businesses. He’s also well known in our network for enabling members to get the most out of sustaining and exiting their businesses. I still remember one member sharing how Dave played the key role in doubling the multi-million-dollar price he received when he sold his company. Dave has also been a key futurist for us in translating trade show tours into valuable insights into where various tech businesses were headed. Dave is now our longest benefitting member, so I assume he’s derived benefits from our regular monthly meetings. Lastly, Dave is now leading us into the promising game changing pathways being opened up by AI. He’s also providing insights to help assist us in avoiding the many major, and minor, pitfalls that this increasingly broadly known technology is essentially forcing us all to embrace. Thank you, Dave!
– And thank you Bob. My face is flush red after reading your comment. – Dave
Dave — One of your BEST articles. Your skill is that you offer solutions and don’t just reference problems!
Great article – I have been lonely in my business. Tough to make decisions when you are the final decision maker.
Mark, consider forming an advisory board of 2-3 you respect. Schedule regular calls via Zoom for an hour with all on the line. Part social, mostly great for networking and advice. – Dave